Knowledge is power, so they say.
In that case, how come emotions seem so much more powerful than thoughts? There’s a difference between knowing what is wrong and feeling that said things are wrong. The bad things I’ve done, I haven’t felt they were wrong. I know they were though, because when I see them from an outsider’s perspective I’m a terrible person, and whilst I’m there i begin to hate that person for doing what they did, then it sinks in that it was me and that’s when the self hatred circle begins. If I stay inside it the thoughts and my mood spiral downwards, so I tend not to stay there too long too often; I simply walk away like the outsider would if she didn’t want to watch the show.
Glad I thought that through and wrote it down. I’ve been wanting a way to describe how I felt for a while and the above sums it up nicely.