I wasn’t expecting to find something that completely defined me, especially not online, on a page I’d never visited or heard of.
A friend told me the story of a text they received from a number they didn’t recognise, saying “Stay warm hahahaha”. Said friend was at that point in time sat in her fluffy pyjamas and tog rated socks, wrapped up in her duvet whilst there was a blizzard blowing outside. Turns out the stalkerish message was from her mother who was on holiday somewhere warm at the time.
I can certainly identify with her. Imagine someone had encapsulated your personality traits, parts of what made you the person you are, and said that the way that your thinking worked was all wrong. You feel so shocked, so violated by it, you mention it to a friend who knows you inside out to get another perspective on it. They agree that it defines who you are as well.
Well fuck me. I’m a walking talking living breathing textbook case of a personality disorder.
In case you’ve not come across PDs before, they basically affect the way you make and maintain relationships with people in a nutshell.
I’ll go into more detail in future posts. Right now I’m still trying to take in this revelation, and trying to alert all of my thinking processes at the same time. Not healthy or achievable, i know, but hey, setting unachievable goals is a symptom in itself of the disorder…