It’s just a word. The wrong word it turns out. Especially painful when taken out of context. I apologised to Y and Z. It was such a surreal experience. Telling the truth felt so uncomfortable, so… unnatural for me. I started getting a bit heady, and got worse from there.  Let’s call the one I […]

Fairy tale

What if the life you lead turns out to be a fantasy?  I wake up in the morning, and I realize now that I’ve just thought,’Who am I to be this morning? What do I need to do to please people?’. It’s like I’ve been playing out some sort of caricature of myself depending on […]

Where I fitĀ 

I got a boyfriend, who I got engaged to, bought a house with and ended up marrying. Far more interesting than the schoolyard romances, which for me were few.  Thinking I fit in here is nice. But then things changed. I didn’t think I fit in any more. So I tried to find other places […]

Gotta do it

I’m going to apologise, and I’m going to mean it.  I’ve written my list, thought about my list, dragged myself out of the pit of despair I inevitably find myself in and decided that I can say sorry genuinely now. You should only say sorry if you truly mean it, and I’m ready now. I […]


Knowledge is power, so they say.  In that case, how come emotions seem so much more powerful than thoughts?  There’s a difference between knowing what is wrong and feeling that said things are wrong. The bad things I’ve done, I haven’t felt they were wrong. I know they were though, because when I see them […]

Moving forwards

Didn’t get much sleep last night, don’t hold out too much hope for tonight either, but fingers crossed… didn’t help being woken up by the neighbours. Could have probably bitten their head off if I’d been well enough to venture outside.  I wrote my list of things to apologise for. I’m scared that I won’t […]

Today I feel crap

No word of a lie.  Translation: I have a cold. Of course I’ll play on it so long as i can because that’s who I am. My nose and right eye won’t quit running, the bastards. Kind of getting round to the idea of being histrionic now. Almost. I think it will give some reasoning […]